The Problem of Prorogation: A Uniquely Canadian Solution

I, for one, think this whole prorogation situation is great. In fact, I think we should extend it across the whole country and in the spirit of families, call it “Family Month.”

We could all, like our MPs, take an extended holiday in that most Canadian of months, February, when snow flies, ski hills are covered with powder, and snow shoe rentals rates reach remarkable highs. Who needs holidays in the warmth of summer when we can cheer on our Olympic athletes while sipping “Certified Cold” beers and wearing our Team Canada jerseys at our winterized cottages?

It will be, of course, the height of the winter tourist season, and visitors to our great white nation will marvel at how relaxed we all seem, and envy our carefree lifestyle. Perhaps they’ll write cook books about Canadian-style cooking (poutine in a Niagara ice wine reduction?) and diet books about how Canadian women always look so healthy and rouged from the cold, and so stylish in our matching parkas and UGG boots.

Sound familiar? Yes, indeed: we could be just like France, only for the Riviera substitute a frozen Rideau Canal, and for gay Paree, an even gayer Church & Wellesley.

Of course, there won’t be anyone to greet these waves of admiring visitors, or serve them lunch, or rent them hockey skates, as everyone will be prorogued. We’ll have to rely on cheap labour imported from other countries to be the face of our nation, and then accuse them of valuing the wiles of Mammon over our own godly state of repose.

And, built on the backs of these hapless labourers, our economy will tank (further) and we’ll slowly slide into a(nother) recession as all of our best minds, fed up of lagging productivity and GDP, move south of the border in order to work on Boxing Day, become creative at stretching long weekends into sprints of vacation time, and take a whole 2 weeks of maternity leave. (Ah, but they make $1 for every $0.70 a French worker earns; does that not make it all worth it?)

Indeed, it seems the majority of Economist readers would prefer to “face their holidays from a position of poverty rather than abundance” an exchange for more of them, as is apparently the case in Europe, by a margin of about 80-20. So we let our people go draining down to our friendly, tireless neighbours to the south and simply take our retaliation by refusing to understand them when they visit and attempt to speak Canadian.

So the case seems settled, except for one very minor outstanding problem in the way: it seems that, with no federal government around until after said prorogation, we won’t have anyone to pass the law.

What do you think? Shall we prorogue ourselves in order to become plus français? Would you prefer more vacation and less money, or more money and less vacation? And what foods, exactly, would go in a Canadian cookbook?

One Response to The Problem of Prorogation: A Uniquely Canadian Solution

  1. Katie says:

    I think it sounds wonderful too! Of course, I am one of the tireless, friendly southern neighbors so anything that keeps us floating (as we lose our financial powers) is great.

    Actually I envy the way Europe gets all that time off. I understand that they pay a cost, BUT, not everybody gets all that time off, many shopkeepers and doctors continue to work. AND I think I would prefer for everybody to be poor and perhaps happier than for me to be poor and everybody else rich and rude. I think it comes down to this, what do the majority of Canadians want out of life? There is another way to do it too, give everyone more time off but not all at the same time. So you could have two full weeks off in the winter, and another two in the summer…and the country sails along…(well it doesn’t actually sail)

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